The events, whether seemingly big or small, that occur in our lives shape us into the people we are either positively or negatively. In the early 1990s, after prayer and soul searching, I began to ask God why I was, in general, untrustworthy of people and why that for the most part I looked at situations expecting them to end negatively. One day the Lord spoke to me and reminded me of an incident that happened when I was 9 years old. Nine years old??? Really?
I was taken back to a 9 year old little girl in the Helena Hospital who was having a tonsillectomy. I remember before surgery the nurses promised me that I could have popsicles when I got out of surgery. I don’t remember being afraid of the surgery. I believe I was just ready to have it over with so I wouldn’t have sore throats anymore. I suffered from tonsillitis at least once monthly. When I began to wake in the recovery room in pain and groggy, I cried for my mom. I don’t know if I was loud or not but I do remember crying, and I remember the nurse, not her face or her name, but her words. She got down into my ear & said, “If you don’t be quiet, I’m not ever taking you to your mother”. How awful! How do you say that to a child? I’m thinking she really missed her true calling in life…just sayin’.
That wasn’t the end of the memory God uncovered. He also reminded me that while they promised me popsicles when I asked for them to soothe my hurting throat, they were out!?! But they promised! Now they were just out? How does that happen? How do you explain this to a kid? Well, I’m thinking the bedside manner of the recovery room nurse probably provides a little insight to how it was handled.
I’m sure my parents got me popsicles & ice cream & whatever else I wanted for my sore throat. Honestly, I don’t remember, but the other memory that was recalled to me as an answer to a soul searching question was revealed. I didn’t trust people, and I expected the negative because of a hurtful, distressing event that happened to me that was out of my control. People who were supposed to care, nurture, and heal me weren’t trustworthy, they weren’t reliable, they were damaging.
As I let that memory sink in, I thought, how absolutely senseless this all seemed. It seemed so unbelievable that events so seemingly insignificant and minute could change the way you view life, but it was a reality. A wounded child becomes a wounded adult.
At that point I prayed that God would heal my heart, my spirit, and my emotions so that I would not view life from the perspective of a hurt 9 year old but a whole person, one who wasn’t wounded by the actions of an uncaring nurse. He did just that. God can take negative experiences and circumstances and turn those around to mold us into the person he wants us to be. Is it because of this incident so long ago that I am very observant of people and tend to catch things that most overlook? Do I look at life from a realistic point of view? Has this made me a person who generally faces problems head on? Is this a result of my pain as a nine year old girl? Maybe. Maybe not. But one thing I do know is that God is faithful. He will show us what we truly want to see, and He will touch our lives and make us completely whole!